Blog post 1: Pain of Unrequited love afflicts the Rejecter, too.

         Rest assured, every people in this world had suffer from a heartbreak at least one point in their life. Whether the feelings were never reciprocated, or whether they liked each other mutually before finally fading. Everybody surely knows what Unrequited love feels like.

         Unrequited love is one of the most distressing feelings in the world. We love somebody so bad, we're willing to give them everything but they don't reciprocate the feeling. Even if it hurts us so bad, we aren't capable to just forget and throw away that feeling because deep inside, we're hoping and dreaming that they will learn to love us back and change their minds. We are so obsessed and bewitched by them that we do not notice they've eaten up all those freaking years of our lives. We give them all that we've got and they leave us nothing but heart ache.Our life starts to revolve around this one person and with every day that passes, we only feel more miserable and hopeless.

        Pretty miserable right?  That’s why it’s been one of the great themes of drama and literature. Poets have been writing about the inner thoughts and viewpoints of the lover. That’s why we easily empathize on the poor pursuer. But, how about  the rejecter? Nobody cared about the pursued one! He’s been ignored all along right? That’s until the 1990s when psychologists, Roy Baumeister and Sara Wotman  published the book "Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides of Unrequited Love."

           "We rarely hear about the agony of those who are the target of an unwanted love," said Dr. Roy Baumeister, a psychologist at Case Western Reserve University. "Literature and film almost always tell the story from the viewpoint of the rejected lover. But both rejecters and would-be lovers can end up feeling like victims."

                According to them, they found a very interesting trend. They found out that there is pain on both side of the party and, surprisingly, the rejecter often suffers just much as the rejected. So, all along rejecters also experience and go through an emotional pain. They feel guilty and pained by their own inability to return the other's love. It also said that  frustration, anger, anxiety, or guilt were mentioned about a third more often in the accounts told by those rejecters than in those whose been jilted. It's sometimes not noticed by the pursuers because after the big revelation, the lovers are preoccupied by themselves.  In addition to that, despite their rejection, most pursuers said they still care and compassionate for those who had thrown away their love.

            Moreover, the incapability of the pursued one to tell the lover that there is no hope and chance is also really common. The pursuer feels guilty and doesn't know how to refuse the lover without hurting him. 

           Being rejected by your loved one is really painful. Every people has different ways to handle the situation. Others would stay on the make-believe world that they built. Others would take that as a challenge and make the situation a motivation to defeat all odds. Some would still  stay hopeful. The mere possibility that the person they love might one day love them back keeps their attraction alive. However, some people even decides to took their own life to stop the pain they're feeling in their guts. 

            If you think you are in this situation, try reading Judy McGuire's article on "How to get over Love in Ten easy steps" 

             According to her article, One must have the courage and tell them how how he feels in order for him to know if his love is actually unrequited. If so, the first step is to accept acceptance. He needs to know he can’t make the other person fall in love with him. Second step is, he should quit making excuses. It is pretty normal that if you like someone, you'll do crazy things just to get noticed by them and to bask in their presence. Third, is to avoid the object of his affection. This can get really difficult if she's the one you see everyday, but you need to put distance between you two. So.. that is the top 3 steps on hear article. If you want to see the other steps, try going on her website.

             I know, Moving on is not really easy. You need to dedicate your whole self for the success of it.  Memories would just randomly pop into your mind, tempting you and making you change your mind. But think of it, after all those hardships that you would encounter, you will be happy and free. It will allow you to reconnect with yourself and eventually with someone who will truly appreciate you and your efforts. It's not easy, but you need to do it for your sake. Just a simple advice, If you know that the feeling is not mutual from the start, expect that you'll be hurt and learn to stop the feeling immediately so you can't be drowned into your tears later on.

Sources:
Nytimes.com
Idiotsguides.com